The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Of course I have a pirate flag
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
