can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
