have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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