I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
