tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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