based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
