If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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