the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
