mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
