just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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