I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
