we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
