Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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