I hate all girls vehemently.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I think my fart just growled at me.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
