Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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