her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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