My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
