i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
