he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
