your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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