yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
