I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude i'm inner monologue high
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize