i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i will never coherently bang her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
