if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
