Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
