You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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