Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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