piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
