i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
