I skipped work to stalk him.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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