His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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