I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize