Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
