I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You took a bar mat shot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
