guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
