Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
