If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
