I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
