Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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