You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
