Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
