It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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