Hey man sorry I got all grabby
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
