I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
