Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
