Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
