In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
