enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
