But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
