You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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