I skipped work to stalk him.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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