I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
