does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
