The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
