Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Randomize
