FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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