I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
