i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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