Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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