I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
