i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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