I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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