What did we do last night that was yellow?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
