we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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