Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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