i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
