No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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