Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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