Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
how does that bad decision feel?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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