So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
