a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
