Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
