I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
