Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My ass is underappreciated
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
