will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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