Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
