the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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