I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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