mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
