I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
