i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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