How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
