Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
