I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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