yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fuck appropriateness.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
