for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
